It’s overrated.

I do admit it, though. I want to be 18 years old again. I want a do-over.

It’s not that I’m not proud of all I’ve done and what I’ve got and who I am. I really am. I’ve had a great time.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t want a do-over…

My message to my children is what a lot people will probably tell them over the years - “don’t grow up too fast.” And it’s true. My problem was that it was never about the journey, it was always about the destination. I know that’s not how you’re supposed to  do it, but… it’s how I am.

But with a do-over, I could slow down and enjoy the ride. It was a really good ride, too. I’d like to see it all again.

And know that this will never, ever actually happen, but… I can dream.

I can dream of a time when I didn’t hear “Snap, Crackle & Pop” every single time I bend over. Back when I didn’t have to watch what I eat or drink or whatever made me merry. I just was. And it was nice.

Even though I’m writing this and being cranky as ever, I have been following my own advice. I don’t ever recommend that anyone stop growing up. I just recommend that they don’t get old. I knew some twenty-year-olds back in the day that were already old. And I’ve known some senior citizens who were younger than I am.

I’ve been in a funk lately. Kind of depressed and stressed and feeling worn out. And today I finally figured it out. I had started to get old. It’s been a while since I laughed out loud. Since I got down on the floor and gave the girls horsey rides. Since I danced like the idiot I am. It’s been a while since I acted like I was 18 years old again.

Maybe I can’t have a do-over, but I should definitely adjust that mindset. I can pretend. Just a little. It sucks that I have to do this sort of thing. But you’re only 18 once and I had my chance.That will set me right and get me back on track.
What do you do to feel like a kid again?

Happy New Year!

My oldest daughter, L.A. Girl, is in kindergarten. But this is not your father’s kindergarten. Hell, it’s certainly not MY kindergarten either.

One of the reasons we moved from California to Ohio was the school systems here. I had always heard so many horror stories about the schools in L.A. and really didn’t want my girls to go through any of that nonsense. I want them to have the best education possible and knew this was the place to be.

And the school system where we live is one of the best in the state. So I’m pretty sure they’re in good hands.

How good? Well, maybe a little too good. Maybe. I’m helping my five year old daughter prepare for an oral presentation on Canada. It must be three to four minutes in length. And she must have visual aids.

When I was in kindergarten, I played with blocks.

See the difference? Sheesh! An oral presentation in kindergarten? I suppose she’ll have to complete her Ph.D. dissertation by the fifth grade?! I ran around in circles and rammed my head into walls at her age. I didn’t have to stand up in front of a class and give a freakin’ speech!

Is it too much for a five year old? Some say, “Hey, let ‘em be kids for a while longer!” And others say, “They need to be prepared earlier and earlier and need to know so much more.” What do I say? I’m a bit torn. I like it and I don’t. But I’m leaning more toward liking it, I guess.

When I was going through school, I had good and bad experiences. Good and bad teachers. I learned a lot and I was borerd out of my skull. It’s the boredom I’m the most worried about for my girls. Being bored in school can get you into a lot of trouble. And I was usually in trouble all the time. I think my elementary school principal had my mom’s number on speed dial.

I certainly wasn’t anything special in school but I did need more challenges. I guess I sort of became the class clown as I got older because I was so bored in so many classes. I even had two different teachers try to get my mom to have me skip a grade in school - but my mom refused. She didn’t want me to be too far ahead of friends, or something.

By the time I went to college, I had been phoning it in for so long through high school that I was in for a rude shock. I actually had to work! How dare they! I quickly adjusted and ended up on the dean’s list by the time I graduated college. But looking back on it, I can see now that I needed more when I was a kid.

So, I guess it’s okay that my daughter is giving speeches to the kids in her kindergarten class. Maybe she needs to be challenged to keep her on her toes. To keep her from getting bored.

I mean, she’s already reading. She’s starting to write. She’s even started on addition and subtraction. At 5. When I was that age, I think picking snot balls out of my nose was the most challenging part of my day.

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” - Woody Allen

Damn, I’m old. And I feel every bit of my 29 years. Or was it 39? Oh, no… it’s more than that. But I’m still pretty!

A lot has been going on. I’m about to make my annual trip back to Los Angeles. I’m flying out on Tuesday for work and our holiday party. It’s going to be a busy week as I catch up with my co-workers (some who I’ve never even met yet!) and with my old L.A. friends.

On Monday morning, my youngest (who just turned 2), hit another milestone. I got her out of bed to take her to daycare and noticed her diaper was completely dry. It’s something she does quite often so I took her into her bathroom and put her on her training potty. She sat there for a few minutes and finally she let it all come out. And there was a lot. The look of surprise on her face was priceless - her mouth was a big O and her eyes were as wide as they could be.

But, being the idiot I am, I couldn’t have let this perfect moment go by without screwing something up. I pulled the top off the training potty to dump it in the toilet. With my other hand, I put up the toilet seat… but didn’t put it up all the way. When I went to dump it, the toilet seat came crashing back down. It slapped the training potty and splashed pee all over the poor child and the bathroom floor.

She looked at me the way my wife’s mother used to look at me. The “stink eye.” The kind of look that burns a hole in your soul. I quickly dunked her in the bath and scrambled to get the floor cleaned up before all that pee sunk into the floor tiles. My fear is that she’ll think that every time you have to take a piss, you need to dump it on yourself and then take a bath…

And now for something completely different…
In time for the holidays, I managed to get my Christmas lights up this past weekend. This was my first time - ever - to hang lights on a two-story house.

I pulled out my four-hundred pound ladder and dragged it over to the side of our house. I managed to get into quite a groove and got the side of the house done. But I was really worried about hanging the lights up on the front, where the roof goes up to its highest peak.

I knew the ladder was shorter than this peak, but I’m also 6′3″ with really long oranguatan arms and knew I could reach. But it meant putting the ladder up as far as it would go. And I was worried.

You see, I’m every bit of 260 pounds so I had to buy a special “husky boy” ladder that would hold up to 300 lbs. But I didn’t really trust extending it all the way out and climbing up on it. I was quite sure it would snap in half when I got all the way up. But being the stubborn old mule that I am, I powered through.

I went up very slowly. Very. And still the thing bounced like a kids jumper at a birthday party.

Stretching out, I got the Christmas lights onto the peak and carefully climbed down. I had done it! I didn’t fall! I didn’t die in a freak “husky boy” ladder incident that would have surely been on the evening news! (I had told my wife to sue the ladder manufacturer had such an incident occurred…)

But when I got down, I had still had a problem. The ladder was extended beyond my reach and it was going to be impossible to get it back down to earth… So, being the idiot that I am, I tried anyway.

I started to pull the ladder away from the house, rung by rung, hoping to be able to strong-arm it back down to the ground. But once it was over my head, I quickly realized I was over my head. It swayed and bucked and then pulled up some grass and finally… it toppled over.

Onto me.

All four hundred pounds of “husky boy” ladder fell on my face.

I’m quite sure every one of my neighbors were home and saw this comical catastrophe. But none came out to help. For fear of me being too embarrassed and losing even more face. Literally. But I’m okay. I’m a stubborn old mule. Besides, it only hurts when I breathe…

Happy Holidays!

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Here’s my latest short film!

Every year, I complain about how soon they roll out the Christmas season. Many others join me in whining about how eager the stores are to put out their decorations and how soon the commercials start.

This year, they’re at it again. The Holiday Season is in full swing, several weeks before Thanksgiving. Some were advertising the yuletide merriment before Halloween…

Yes, it’s getting crazy. I’m already seeing the commercials for crappy heart-shaped jewelry, cars with big red bows on top, and cheap perfume. The radio station that plays Christmas songs 24/7? That started here at the beginning of November. And for the past two weeks, I’ve been watching people put up (AND turn on) their Christmas lights on their homes.

On Saturday, I saw someone driving home with their freshly cut tree on top of their car! Five weeks before the big day! By the time Christmas gets here, their tree will be nothing but a pile of brown bristles on the living room carpet…

But then I got to thinking about everything.

This has been a tough year on a lot of people. The economy is down but most people I know have kept their jobs. And they are bombarded by news of foreclosures, job losses, and failing 401Ks. The security blanket is gone and people have been on edge for a long time.

I think people needed Christmas a little earlier this year. They wanted to feel comforted by the thoughts of Santa Claus, and sparkling icicle lights, and a big green wreath hanging on the door.  Even the thought of Thanksgiving doesn’t do it - people needed the big holiday to bring them around and make them feel secure again. Make them smile.

Even if, come January, they realize the Christmas season wasn’t as glamorous or romantic as they thought it would be, I bet it will give most the drive to carry on.

So… I guess it really is okay if Christmas comes a little early this year. Just don’t get used to it. I like to look forward to Thanksgiving without being surrounded by Christmas cheer.

I don’t usually like to do the promotional giveaway stuff, but this one hit close to my heart, so… I had to.

Recently, L.A. Girl and I watched all the Star Wars movies. The original three great ones and the three more recent steaming piles of crap. She LOVED them. Absolutely fell for the characters and stories and action - - as much as I did when I was a kid.

She even ordered a Star Wars: Clone Wars episode book from her school book fair. All on her own. I even broke out the old Star Wars action figures of mine from thirty years ago. She plays with them every day.

So, when the editors of Klutz told me about their new book - Draw Star Wars: The Clone Wars book - I jumped at the chance. They sent me a copy and my daughter has been following the steps inside and drawing the characters. It comes with pencils, pens, an eraser, tracing paper and blank paper all inside the book.

It’s filled with tips and techniques on how to draw. It’s got overlays that allow you to trace the pictures. And there are instructions on how to draw about 20 characters from The Clone Wars movies and series.

If your kid likes to draw, then this book will really knock their socks off. And, I’m even giving away a few of them! I’ve got 5 copies of the book for anyone interested!All you have to do to enter… is draw me a picture of a a Star Wars character and email it to me! It’s that easy.

Why do I go to the trouble for a promotion like this?It’s simple. When I was a kid, probably in fifth grade, I had a good friend give me a great book…

I loved to draw. I was drawing stuff all the time. And I really loved to read comic books. I read Spiderman and The Avengers and Iron Man and all those great Marvel titles. Still have all of them. And I was always trying to draw them but I never could do it well.

My friend gave me this book called How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way. And I was instantly addicted.

It was my bible. With it, I learned to draw the comic book characters I loved so much. And I was able to make my own comic books. It even helped make me a better artist overall.

And, so… I wanted to pass a bit of that along. If even one kid gets one of these books and turns his or her passion on for art and drawing and painting, well then, I guess I’ve passed on some of that same joy I had when I was young.

Help me give away a few of these books for Christmas. Send me your best R2-D2 or Obi Wan Kenobi drawing! Snap a photo, download it, and email it to tim (at) ladaddy (dot) com!

You have until November 30th!
(You must be a resident of the U.S. or, if you’re international, you need a friend with a U.S. address I can send it to…)

Additional links to check out to find out more about the book -

http://www.facebook.com/KlutzBooks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsTVWN7bsiI

Last night, I took my daughter to the movies.

It wasn’t her first trip to the multiplex - she say a Hannah Montana movie with her classmates on a field trip with her daycare. But it was her “first trip with my family”, she told me.

There were a couple of animated movies showing but I wanted to take a chance on one of my favorite books as a kid and see the adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are.  And by take a chance, I mean that I’ve read a few of reviews and heard a lot of criticism about the film being too scary.

I had thought about preparing her for it, just in case it was really bad. And I half-expected we might have to leave it early if it was too much. But I decided to not tell her anything and make her worry about it - if it was scary, it was scary and I didn’t want to plant the notion in her head.

After about 40 commercials and ten trailers, after which my daughter exclaimed, “When are they gonna show the movie? Sheesh!”, we finally got started.

And…

It was a really good film. And it didn’t seem scary in the least. More importantly, it was scary to L.A. Girl. There was a point, about two-thirds through where she was a little restless but the story picked back up with a “dirt clod fight” and she was back in the world created by Spike Jonze and Maurice Sendak.

It was true to the story, even though it was an hour and a half film about a ten page book. And the most amazing thing to me were the Wild Things. Simply brilliant. They seemed like they were alive. You could see them… acting despite being a body suit/costume and computer graphic expressions. The kid was the character of Max - just like I would have pictured him as a real kid - and did a great job.

I really enjoyed it and we had a great time on our little date. We went out to dinner afterward and then back home to mom and sister. Hopefully, it’s the first of many trips to the movies with my daughters.

Last week, L.A. Mommy and I had a chance to act like we were young again.

We hired a babysitter and went out to a concert to see a band we’ve loved since the early MTV days and the delightful John Hughes movies from the 80’s. I’ve never seen The Psychedelic Furs before so I was excited. I’d never see some one-hit wonder band, but the Furs had so many cool tunes I had to go. And it was especially nice for L.A. Mommy - she used to work for the music management firm that handled Richard Butler, the lead singer. At that time, Richard had a band called Love Spit Love, and she’d seen him live a few times.

So excited to be out of the house, we arrived at the Newport Music Hall before the first band came on. Which is sooo uncool. But we didn’t care. The Newport is a great place to see a show. It’s, like, the second oldest music venue, or something like that. And I have seen probably a hundred shows there: Adam Ant, Primus, Living Color, Fishbone, The Sundays, White Zombie, Ellen Degeneres (yes, I was the only man in the venue, and didn’t know why…) and the list goes on and on. It was good to be back in the old hall.

The opening act was a band called Islands. Didn’t know a thing about them but I really loved their live work. They won over that crowd with just a song or two. I’m definitely going to be picking up an album or two.

Next up was the Happy Mondays. Shaun Ryder, the lead singer, was also a client of the music manager, so L.A. Mommy knew him, too. Not sure if you know Shaun’s story, or saw him portrayed in 24 Hour Party People, but his excesses seem to have gotten the better of him. Their songs were played too loud and old Shaun merely held his earpiece tight to his ear and stared at the monitor that was feeding him the lyrics. It was not a great set. Their performance of Step On was probably the only highlight.

Finally, we got to the main event. The Psychedelic Furs sounded great. The sound mix was perfect and Richard’s voice is still there (not perfect but who’s is 30 years later?) They did most all of the hits as well as a few personal faves. They even played one of my favorite songs from the Love Spit Love era - Believe - and not one of the singles from the album.

We got to here Love My Way, Heaven, Ghost in You, Pretty in Pink, President Gas, Heartbreak Beat and all the others. The only one I wanted but didn’t get was one of the later songs, Until She Comes.

The strangest thing about our show was the crowd. I expected a few dozen groups of women in their 30’s and 40’s getting together with their high school and college friends to relive the old days. But this crowd was… odd. Very odd. It was a weird mix of everything. Some people looked like they had driven their tractor to the show. Some looked like they belonged at a Wrestlemania event. There were kids there. There were old, old men there. Anyway, it was fun to do some people-watching for a change.

It was a great night. A lot of old memories were brought back and I had a smile on my face for most of the night. And not just because of the audience…. Really.

More Things to Do in a Bathroom

First, let me start off by saying this is my third year blog-iversary… Blog birthday? I don’t know. But I’m starting on year number four. 426 posts later, I’m still doing it. I’ve been so incredibly bad about going to other blogs and visiting all my old friends and reading about their lives. But I have managed to keep on writing my posts and not giving up. Few and far between these posts may be, but I don’t plan to ever stop.

Next? My daughter has learned to ride her bike.

This week, we decided, would be the week. And by we, I mean me. I know that icy cold grip of winter hell will be upon us soon so we don’t have much time.  It turned out to be not quite as traumatic as my early bike learning experience.

DAY ONE

I figured we wouldn’t rush things. I didn’t want to turn her into Lance Armstrong in an hour. I know that if I push my little girl, she will push right back. I also know that if she fell too many times in one day, she would probably suffocate me with my pillow while I was sleeping.

I took her training wheels off the bike. I adjusted her seat, filled the tires with more air. We fitted her knee and elbow pads on and strapped her helmet down. I was jealous. I never had those things. So I made them fit slightly loose. Kidding…

I gave her lots of tips on how to ride her bike. She ignored me, I’m fairly certain. I’m like all the adults in a Charlie Brown TV show to her - “Wha-wha-wha-wha-wa-wa-Wha-wa.”

We pushed her bike out to our sidewalk and got started. She pedaled like crazy, I pushed for about 10 yards before I ran out of breath, and I let her go.

Immediately, she veered off course and headed straight for our neighbor’s dragon. Yes, you read that correctly. My neighbor has a dragon. In his front yard. And it holds a glowing red orb in it’s hands. And it’s in his front yard. Where everyone can see it.

So, I was reeeaallly worried about her damaging that. I was worried it would damage her… She missed it and came back down toward the sidewalk. She did much better than I expected. She stayed upright for those first few seconds and pedaled well. She zipped past the sidewalk and crashed just off the curb.L.A. Girl was unharmed. But… she was done. That was it. Lesson over. She marched back to the house as I tried to coax her into one more attempt.

DAY TWO

Our next attempt the following day was pretty much the same. I got about three attempts out of her. Each time, she would stop pedaling a few seconds after I let go of her and she would veer off the sidewalk and into the street. She would usually come to a full stop and then fall over, or just fall over to stop herself. But she never got hurt.

We needed a change in venue.

DAY THREE

On Wednesday, we picked up L.A. Baby from daycare and the three of us went to the nearby park. It has a web of smooth paths that cut across the park and I figured this was the perfect place to ride. No nearby streets or curbs or… dragons.

My wife gave her some advice to help her learn (because, apparently, my advice didn’t seem to be working) when she told her to, “focus on an object in the distance so you don’t look down at your feet.”

We got her gear on and I gave her a good push. Amazingly, she took off. She zipped straight off the path and out into the grass. But she stayed up. She pedaled fast and kept it going for a good ten seconds. I shouted directions to try to get her back on the path, but she refused.

We did it several more times. Each time she would fire off the path and out into the grass, but she was riding the bike on her own. She was pretty good at it. She could even stop on her own without falling over.

I wanted to see if she could “take off” on her own, but she wasn’t quite ready for that. So, I decided to try to get her to do a few more runs and we would head home. I gave her a running start and let go. Naturally, she veered off the path (which I decided later was because she didn’t want to crash on the path, only on the grass) but she pedaled furiously…

Straight into a tree.

I tried to shout out directions when I saw where she was headed, “No! Tree! Go right, go right! Watch out for the… oh, shit.” Bam!

I was expecting tears and screaming, but L.A. Girl laughed. She pushed herself up and got back on her bike. We tried again. I gave her a big push, in the other direction, and she was zooming away from her old man.

And headed straight for another tree. Bam!

I couldn’t help but laugh. People milling about in the park didn’t seem to appreciate my laughter…

I picked her up and brushed her off. But she was fine. No weeping and wailing. No teeth were gnashed. Still smiling at each other, I asked her, “Why did you ride into the tree? Again?”

She told me, “Mommy said focus on something far away so I did…”